While considering using the idiomatic expression The ties that bind as a blog title, I did some online searching and found that it has a surprising variety of meanings.

I had thought it referred to family ties, that is, the ties to your blood relatives, or the ties to people you lived with as a child even if they were not genetically related. I think this sense of it would include ties among  a group of people with few close relatives who form an extended friends-family over many years, as well as ties to someone who had a strong moral influence on your life, someone whose example serves as a touchstone when you have to make a difficult decision. The ties of good friends fit here.

The phrase could also refer to ties of common values. These could be a common religious belief; common political views, particularly when political choices have an ethical component; or even a deeply-held lifestyle choice that serves as the governing principle of one’s life, such as non-violence, human rights, or preserving the natural world. These ties may form quickly when you meet people who seem to think about things as you do.

The phrase is not always positive: there are ties that bind us to things from which we should disengage. Material goods, money, popularity, nostalgia, abusers, habits, traditions, and even life itself may become bound to us in ways that preclude our making good moral decisions. In this definition, the ties that bind prevent us from being our best selves, or blind us to true fulfillment.

I originally planned to blog about family ties, because I am questioning how strong mine are as I face some decisions about helping my mother during what may be the end of her life. I feel very close to my husband; even a night or two apart can seem like a deprivation. I also feel very close to my sons, although I moved far from them. I also moved away from my natal family soon after graduating from college, perhaps as a way to establish my own independence.

Both of my moves could be viewed as lifestyle choices that severed ties unnecessarily. I have spent the last three or so decades in economically vibrant, physically appealing regions in which most people hold progressive, empathetic views, and from which I could be supportive and sympathetic to family members in less-congenial circumstances when it was, well, convenient. Maybe my strongest shared-value group is the wanderers? Two major moves in a lifetime do not a wanderer make, so it’s likely something less admirable.