I bought a copy of This Book is Literally Just Pictures of Animals Silently Judging You as a Christmas present for someone I don’t know very well. How did I miss This Book, which was published in 2021? Almost every page is laugh-out-loud funny. The animals exhibit disapproval in so many ways. Some are fed up. Some are horrified. Some are dismissive, facetious, bored, skeptical, or sizing you up as a dinner option. At least one–a sheep!–has you pinned on the ground and is deciding whether it’s worth it to stomp on your face.

It’s true, I “read” the book before wrapping it.

Several small animals are dressed cutely and seem to be signaling, It’s your species that victimizes me in this pathetic way. Other small animals are terrifying, especially the hairless cat–who owns those? That must be like having Chuckie for a pet. There’s a flat-faced cat that looks so fake I’m not convinced it’s a real thing even after looking at several Google images; none of those had a face as distortedly scrunched as that of the one in the book. Seeing it walk around would be super creepy, as if a plush animal–a really ugly, unnatural plush animal–came to life and jumped onto the breakfast table before you had caffeine.

It occurs to me that someone with issues about judgment could find this book off-putting, and maybe even be driven into a depressive event by the parade of disapproval on offer therein. So why did I send this to someone I don’t know well–why am I sending that person a present anyway? Well, he’s a somewhat new partner of someone I do know quite well, and I can hardly send a present to one and not the other when they’re living together, right? Both are edgy young people so I hope they take it as intended, but for additional cover I wrote, I think this is funny on the tag.

I know, that’s so middle class. Since the Queen and Princess Margaret, by which I mean, actresses portraying the Queen and Princess Margaret, shared I-love-yous then swore to never do so again on the latest season of The Crown, I’ve been thinking about trying not to be so middle class. But honestly, I AM middle class. I grew up lower middle class, and when my husband and I were both working professional jobs we were upper middle class, and now that we’re trying to retire in an expensive state that penalizes newcomers as a financial policy we are regular middle class. I can’t make a case for being any other class.

I don’t really know how the other classes act anyway. I just have to accept conventionality as my fate. At least I’m not surrounded by judgmental animals. In person I imagine they would be rather disturbing.